I’m way out of sorts right now. And, I’m trying hard not to go into full on OCD mode and over-analyze and freak out about life. Tim, my husband is in China for another week, so I’m playing single mom for a week. (Which, can I say really loudly…Single Parents absolutely rule. I worship at your feet that you manage life without having a breakdown every single day. I forget this and always get reminded when my husband travels). I digress.
When my two year-old son, Ty, gets super clingy and whiny and generally unpleasable, I feel my inner five year-old emerging. Instead of the calm 38 year-old mom, I beging reacting like a bratty 5 year-old sister. This is not good. Praying and pleading follows so that I don’t lose my mind. And, then when I get a chance to breathe (during mama time-out), I remember that it’s not my son at all. It’s me. Absent any sickness or teething, my son is the perfect mirror for my mood. It’s like he’s psyhic & picks right up on any bad energy I have going and just plays it right back in my face. How do I always forget this? Why can I not remember this?
So, why am I out of sorts? (And, I am partially writing this out to see my chaos in writing. That’s supposed to help, right?)
- Husband is in China which seems pretty far away.
- We are a bit on eggshells because of ongoing layoffs. You know, because of this wacky economy. They’ve picked up some good projects and I’m thrilled, which means I am not complaining about any of husband’s travel.
- We just broke ground on a 5 month remodel and house restoration. It is definitely the kind of project that Suzie Orman would be denying me. Because we are pushing the financial limits and we are obviously crazy.
- I want/need a job. More money incoming would help to greatly reduce anxiety for the two previous items. More importantly, I think my brain might be shrinking. I’m getting really antsy because I haven’t used my brain in a while. I’ve been looking for part-time work, but professional part-time work is a tough fit. I’ll keep looking.
- I’m at a funky crossroads of different goals/issues – halfway through grad school, but have to start all over with admissions at a new school in a new state; different licensing issues here so I may have different long term career priorities; wondering about the whole stay at whole mom vs. working mom dilemma (does anyone NOT have this question?)
- Other minor – potty training? guilt from my mom? guilt from my mil? eating dinners of cheese & crackers & wine (that I do enjoy).
Okay, now that I’ve written that, I feel better. I’m still feeling out of sorts, but I’m okay with feeling wonky right now. I don’t have to solve any problems right now. I mean, the earth is going to stop turning because I’m filled with anxiety. (One upside is that I’m supporting the local economy by buying my nightly wine from the shop across the street. I think that’s good.) I feel very grateful for my life and I need reminding that being uncomfortable and anxious every now and then is okay.
And, this is timely. Just when I’m feeling pretty sorry for myself. So sorry that I’m lacking direction, blah blah blah…I click over into my google reader and find a new post from Ree at the Pioneer Woman. I love this blog…beautiful photography, great give-a-ways, really incredible food, and a Basset Hound. She posted that link for a giveaway/raffle to benefit another blogger (who I didn’t read until tonight) at Fat Cyclist. “Fatty” at Fat Cyclist blogs about cycling, his family, and his wife’s struggle with cancer. Three reasons for linking to these sites.
1. I trust the universe/God to remind me when to stop whining about myself. Can you say good timing?
2. I’ve been reading Pioneer Woman for a while & you may already read her. If you don’t, get on over there.
3. I’m gonna subscribe to Fat Cyclist now. Looks like a good blog. And, I’m continuously blown away by the people who I find on the big internet. Every day I find people to learn from.
Enough of my rambling…I’ll continue with regular silly stuff in my next post.
