Not Silly

I know it takes me a while to get settled and start to make friends after I move. I’ve definitely made a few momma friends lately, but no one that I feel could be a real buddy! An old running friend pinged me on facebook this week. They want info about moving to Denver, as it is a possibility. I’m almost embarrassed about how excited I got even by the POSSIBILITY of them moving here! I used to run with her and her husband. They have two kids…enjoy drinking AND running.

Please let them move here. Importing friends seems easier than making new ones.

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Wow…doesn’t that sound fun. Would you take your 13 year-old son a lunch at Hooter’s as his 13th Birthday gift? One of my Facebook ‘friends’, a girl from my hometown who I worked with years ago, posted announcements that her husband was taking their son to Hooters. I sort of thought that was weird. And, then she posted pictures from Hooters of her son surrounded by Hooters girls. I got a really weird feeling in my stomach about that.

And, I haven’t really stopped thinking about it the last few days. I have a two year-old toddler. Thirteen seems like a long time away. But, it seems not so long away. Thirteen is STILL a child, right? Why does this bother me? I’m not religious. I’m not cringing about this from a morality perspective. But, it does bother me that we are supporting/pushing/encouraging our children to grow up so quickly. I know the Hooters girls are somewhat covered up (in their bad 1980′s orange or black shorts & pantyhose), but it is still weird.

Here’s why I think it bothers me so…beyond the obvious. My parents were pretty strict with me…gave me a hard time about skimpy clothes, makeup, etc. BUT, I grew up surrounded by a rather large collection of Playboy magazines throughout my house. (Yes, WTF?) Apparently, my (young) mom thought that if she subscribed to Playboy for my father, then he wouldn’t hang out at the barber shop & read nudie magazines. (Again, what?) Now, I didn’t realize this was too weird growing up. But, my mom was borderline prudish & we NEVER talked about sexuality, etc. But, I was surrounded by Playboys (which seem sort of tame these days).

At twelve, I was reading the dirty jokes section in the magazine. I studied the centerfold statistics (you know, their weight, bust size, stuff), wondering WHEN I would develop into one of these girls. Wasn’t that normal? Uh, no. When I got boobs, my parents insisted I cover myself up (no bikins or anything). I could not or would not articulate the hypocrisy or confusion. I just know that it seemed NORMAL that women should wear skimpy clothes (or none), but yet my parents were adamant that I needed to cover THEM up. Now, needless to say, I had a lot of weird body image problems (that’s a whole other set of posts).

What my inner feminist (and my former therapist) realized/discussed is that children can’t be expected to understand all of the complexities of sexuality and objectification of bodies. I’m not quite sure I understand it now, but I have zero judgment for adults exploring any or all aspects of sexuality. But, why is it necessary for a 13 year-old to have a birthday party with a bunch of Hooters girls? While he looked obviously happy in his Facebook pics, I can’t help thinking how he might view how women really look like…you know, without being objectified. As a mother, I want my son to appreciate women, their beauty, their brains, their wit and eventually their sexuality (when he’s like 40)…I hope he learns that women aren’t just hot little things in tiny shorts and shirts to be ogled for his sole benefit.

What do you think?

My disclaimers now.

1. My Dad magically stopped reading Playboy after I was in high school. I think it creeped him out that I was approaching the average age of most of the centerfold girls.

2. When I’ve asked my mom about her subscribing to Playboy for my Dad, she doesn’t really know. She saw herself as being progressive in a weirdly logical way. Of course, she laughs at it now.

3. I wonder how having Playboy’s all over our house affected my younger brother. Yes, he had lots of friends who liked to hang out our house. But, I wonder how it made him view and respect women. I’ve never asked this…don’t know if I can. That might be an idea.

4. I learned (in my 20′s) that my neigbor (2 years older guy) happily agreed to water our plants when we were on vacation. And, that most of his friends spent afternoons at our house because of the access to those crazy magazines.

5. I was embarassed by the magazines that I would run around hiding them before I had people over for parties or anything.

6. Yes, I do know that pretty much any TV show or public bus advertisement shows more skin than the Hooters girls. Doesn’t this make everything more confusing?

7. And, I apologize to anyone who is more educated in feminist studies. I really wish I had taken some courses in college. I wish I could articulate more of why this bothers me.

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